Yep, did it again. Read something I wish I hadn't.
Their latest blog post - http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/2011/09/our-final-goodbye-to-special-someone.html
It's about the person some of them are in love with "[Someone Special]". I did once write a blog about how they went to meet him shortly after I arrived last July but for some reason it's gone (yes, I do know who he is). Today was not a good day to read posts like this. I would never want them to stop being honest, would never want them to stop posting about their life, would never want them to stop being them. But...
Today I had my last counselling session, emotional. Maybe the most (number of) emotional session to date.
Today I said goodbye to my Dad after telling him I am leaving the country - emotional.
Today I said goodbye to my Brother who is also leaving the country this month - emotional (doubly so as dad was upset too).
Today I wrote a Tumblr post about why I'm not on Twitter and sight one of the reasons as reading a tweet they sent to another person they have a crush on - emotional.
Today I read the above blog entry - ...
Probably, maybe on any other day it would have been OK. Today I shouldn't have read it.
I asked them if I should read it but they didn't know about all the other shit that was today.
They tell me they love me and want to be with me. And that should be all that matters.
They have been working on a post about how they all feel about me coming to live with them. I'm sure it's mostly good. But I know how I felt about them when I left them and I know how they seemed to feel about me when I left them. It's been three and a half weeks. I wonder how much has changed.
They do love me and they do want to spend their life with me. And that should be all that matters.
Tomorrow I'll regret this post. Tomorrow I'll see how pathetic this is, how pathetic I am being.
Today though, too many emotions.
But I know one thing, I really do, I know that that IS all that matters [and repeat...]
You are never pathetic, our love. Never.
ReplyDeleteWe are yours.
~Frank at al. YOUR Frankie.
And I am yours.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry.
I love you My Frankie.
Hi James. I thought Frank's post was beautiful. I think this post of yours is beautiful too. You are both being so grown-up (not patronising, it's something not many grown-ups seem to be able to do well these days!).
ReplyDeleteI think both of your posts are testament to your wonderful deep love for each other. You will be fine!! We need to wrap things up in order to move on, I am happy for Frankie that she has had the joy of the love of another also. And now - it is your love that she has chosen! You are both beautiful - and even more so together. About the Love between you and your father and brother - you are so Lucky!! So many live in the pockets of their family and theirs is a different experience. Love knows no distance! My husband is Greek, and since we met in Uni in 2000 he has lived with me here in Wales. He also has a wonderful family with incredibly close bonds and he misses them dearly - it has been painful for him and for them. Yet - their love has been strengthened for this distance!!! I am proud of you James - you are on your path! The struggles are the gifts - that allow our souls to lift!
Peace to You
Hannah Imogen J
(posting as Anonymous cos can't get the thing to work!)
Hi Hannah, Thank you so much for your words. You're right, I know, we will be fine, I don't doubt that despite how I feel (felt), it's just so hard being away from them. I sat there last looking at them, talking to them and I know how much they love me and want to be with me. We WILL be fine (more than fine), I will be fine, even more so when I can hold them again.
ReplyDeleteThank you again.