O! Say Can You See

Wow!!

Just fucking "Wow!". Not the good "wow" either but that "what the fucking fuck is that" kind of "wow", that "you have to be fucking kidding me" kind of "wow", that moment (those moments) when you witness something truly fucked up (by any normal rational thinking), in a word "Wal-Mart". Wow.

So, I'm in America, specifically the good 'ol U. S. of A. (that's right U.S. twats, America is more than your 50 states) and what can I say other than "wow"?

I've spent several weeks flapping about getting into the country worried that they would refuse me entry especially as I'd be traveling in a U-Haul filled with Frankie's every possession because yeah, that doesn't look like we're moving permanently at all. We were expecting a good 4 hours at immigration searching the van and questioning me. As it turned out they didn't even open the back of the truck and other than a few questions they stamped my passport and let me through (The Mother who was right behind us got hauled in though and searched with a host of questions about me), though only for 90 days which will cause problems later but we'll worry about that nearer the time.
Oh yes, they said that I would not be allowed back into the U.S. for at least two months after I leave, awesome.

Still, I got to drive a truck something I was in a silly way excited about as I love driving and haven't driven a car since March-ish. And Frankie was loving it too because yeah, I'm an arse so lots of unnecessarily heavy breaking and arsing about. Of course at the first opportunity I flicked various people the finger and gave random people the "Nescafe bean shake".

And lo, I arrived. Once through the border we drove straight to The Mother's where we are to spend the next three months (maybe, hopefully not, longer for Frankie) and emptied the truck, rebuilt the bed in the Basement and that pretty much ended our first day here. Of course we went out that evening to buy alcohol...

Morning... Drove the truck to the u-haul place and went to eat... Taco John's... Yep... "wow"... I think it pretty much skipped the stomach, raced through the intestines and went straight to the colon. The body wanted it out and out as fast as was humanly possible. But it had to wait because we then went to... Wal-Mart and... "wow"... Wal-Mart (I refuse to use the "*") people here really are Wal-Mart people. "Wow" is pretty much the word of the day. They have people giving out samples of food, one was "steak" and I don't believe for a second it was cow meat. If it was cow meat I don't what the fuck they fed the poor beast because it was completely tasteless; no wonder everything they eat here is smothered in fucking BBQ sauce. The food here is just "wow". Back where we used to live we could get Pizza, really good frozen Pizza, really, really good, big brand name pizza but can't get it here. Apart from being really good it was around 160 cals per 1/4 (they were big pizza's too) but here in the good ol' fat bastid state the best is 390 cals!! What the fuck? And everything is so fucking processed. Do I sound surprised? I'm really not, I knew all this about the fat bastid nation long before I met Frankie but to see with my own eyes is just... "wow".

And the people!! I swear that IQ dropped about 80 points (and weight up by at least as many pounds) once we crossed the border. Hopefully it's not a representation of the rest of this part of the U.S. but... "wow".

I really haven't got anything nice to say yet (other than the border guys were good enough to let me in so um, great, wonderful people, no seriously, as a first impression it was a good one. Yes they have a job to do and yes I've heard stories about them being little Nazis but the one's I met were friendly. Of course had I been refused I might be telling a different story so yep, take with a pinch of salt if you must).

The USA... "wow" What more is there to say about this "great land"?

Wow...

...

wow...

I think Side-Show Bob says it best with "nnyuh-urgh-huh-uh"...