They are Ten and three of them love me. That is, three of them, Frank, Ivy and Catherine have told me that they love me. As much as that will make (all of) them wrinkle their nose and want to stab me / puppies / anything close to hand, three of them do love me, very much so. And of course I love them, all of them (some more than others, some a lot less than others). Bethany loves me too but only as much as a six year old can love someone.
Some of them I know will never love me, certainly not tell me as much; Sam being an obvious one as he's a boy and just not that way inclined. Brooke says she hates me and I believe her. Some of them can't for a variety of reasons love me, like Melody. Then there are some I'm just not sure about but if I had to put them in a group I'd put them in the former though I would always hope I was wrong. Emmie, Cassandra and Joy (Ten) are the three in question.
I don't expect all of them to love me, it's beyond statistical probability that so many of them even like me and it's not something that I feel is a negative aspect of my relationship with Frankie. I know and accept that when I tell them I love them that I won't always have it said back. To give an example of that, the very first time I told them I loved them I later found out their first thought was "I want a hotdog" (it's "I" because it's it was something said by Cassandra, internally).
[Note: Post was published then subsequently lost, what follows is as best a recollection as possible]
Last night we were laying in bed together and as usual, I said "I love you" and they said it back. This shocked me a bit as I was sure I knew who I'd spent the day with and that person wouldn't have said that. But I've been wrong a lot lately. The differences between them all have blurred a lot since we left Canada and after a while I stopped trying to work it out. It's not something that's truly positive in our relationship but I'll write more about that at a later date. All that matters for this entry is that I was 'happy' to dismiss it as me being wrong again. But after a few minutes went by, without turning to look at me they asked "do you ever wonder who it is that says they love you?". This intrigued me and also confirmed that I wasn't wrong though I needed to test this theory. "Not usually no" I replied "but I think that it was just said by someone for the first time". "yes" was the simple reply.
I turned to them and with my usual bated breath said "I love you Cassandra" and they (she) for the second time said it back to me.
I've already written more words about Cassandra than any of the others but in short, Cassandra has always held a soft spot with me. We didn't used to get along, she used to hate me being with them but despite that, she went to huge lengths to try and make things happy for the sake of the others. There's a post around here that talks about the turning point in our relationship, I'll try and get a link soon but even then, I never thought I'd hear Cassandra say those words and was thrilled that she did.
I'm really struggling to remember my words and thoughts from the day again. I'm gutted...
It's important for me to mention here that whether or not they are able to say the words back to me I love them, it is not something that effects that or is required.
I know I originally wrote a lot more that you see here but teh gist of it remains. If I remember more of the original entry I'll revise this one.
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